AMOSOZ
519
Mortification of the flesh, humiliation of the spirit, the hypocrisy of
society and convention , homespun wisdom, ruin , iron of fate. All
told perhaps in the first person from the point of view of the shabby
culture-fiend, lying awake on solitary sleepless nights in his spartan
single-room flat in a block of workers' apartments , scheming how
when the day comes he will ruthlessly lay bare the real, the terrible
face of life behind all the masks . It may even be possible to
incorporate a few traits borrowed from the expert in literature: for
instance the half-moon of thin gray hair which crowns his freckled
head . His rhetorical delivery, the triumphal tone of a man who has
just been attacked with a decisive argument but who, far from giving
in, has managed to reply with gentle rage and an argument which is
twice as decisive. The author is inclined to allot to this character a
marginal role in the action, the part of a sage whom events have
proved wrong with unreasonable cruelty.
While these various thoughts are passing through the author's
mind, the lecturer comes to his main point, indicating the paradoxi–
cal role which is usually played by this author's descriptions of
nature. Once again a titter or stifled snigger is heard, which makes
the author sweat uneasily in his seat. Disgustedly he lights another
cigarette , while the expert concludes his talk with a cunningly
ambiguous expression of praise which implies reservations, albeit
indirectly.
Now it is Ruchele Reznik's turn to read out two excerpts from
the new book. Pretty and nervous, pretty without being attractive, a
girl of thirty, old-fashioned, with a single thick plait, wearing an ele–
gant , modest dress printed with a pattern of tiny cyclamens in pur–
ple. And she reads as though there were nothing in the book but gen–
tleness and compassion , as though it were about secret yearnings, as
though it were the work of a simple sensitive soul seeking to enter
similar spirits.
The author is instantly filled with shame and confusion. Why
did you come. You should have stayed at home. Shut up safely in–
doors . What can you say to all these people . Why aren't you an en–
gineer planning railways across difficult terrain, as you dreamed of
becoming when you were young. Will falsehood last forever. In a
voice transformed by longing Ruchele Reznik is reading from your
new book and she is almost a beautiful girl, although she is not at–
tractive .
Among the audience there is a youth-or rather a stiff, lean
man of about sixty-five, a strange , angular man, who looks like a
