Students filled campus on the first day of 2021 fall classes. Photos by Jackie Ricciardi

Behavioral Health

Classes and Campus Life Are Back. So Why Are Students Still Lonely?

BU increases outreach as masks, hesitancy around COVID, struggles making friends, and the perils of social media contribute to what experts say is an alarming epidemic

It’s a month into the fall semester. Classes are hectic, clubs are meeting, the Dog Pound will be back cheering at Agganis in just over two weeks after a long break. But despite this return to the bustle of campus life and community living after 18-plus months of the coronavirus pandemic, many students say they feel like their social lives haven’t resumed in the same way. They are still lonely.

“BU has lifted spacing restrictions, and I have to admit it was jarring seeing these big crowds of people again,” says Bennett Solomon (COM’23, CAS’23). “I’m not on most social media, not on Instagram. I feel like I came back to campus and the world has already resumed.”

While the campus is back to normal physically, many students admit it’s not as easy as they’d expected to be back emotionally, especially with the requirement of indoor masks and weekly COVID-19 tests. It’s not quite “normal” college life. Faces are often blocked, some are still hesitant to socialize inside, and eating indoors still feels a little risky. Freshmen, of course, are new to Comm Ave, but this feeling of newness is shared by some BU students who are just returning after having been remote since March 2020. Many feel this sense of being on the outside looking in, confessions they share on Reddit and other social media platforms, where classmates often chime in with encouraging words, supportive advice, and reassurance that they are not alone.

The loneliness epidemic has not gone unnoticed. BU Student Government Mental Health Committee members have discussed it in meetings and are planning events and initiatives they hope will help, such as a wellness festival and game nights, and they hope their smaller, more frequent events will be more conducive to helping students make friends, versus a larger setting. The College of Arts & Sciences is offering the course FY101 for first-year students, with programming on making friends and finding community. And resident assistants have been told to do extra outreach, as well, to build community in their dorms, with monthly floor conversations, door-to-door check-ins, neighborhood councils, and weekly in-person meetings with faculty-in-residence.

Carrie Landa, director of Student Health Services Behavioral Medicine, says her office has seen a significant increase in demand this semester, for reasons ranging from depression to anxiety, falling in line with a national trend. A large number of these calls, Landa says, are students in despair because they are lonely. “Students call us in the middle of the night, saying, I can’t sleep, I don’t know how to meet people,” she says. “They feel disconnected on campus and don’t know where to meet a friend.”

Older teens, young adults are the hardest hit

Loneliness is not a BU-only problem, and it’s not limited to students—36 percent of all Americans, adults included, feel serious loneliness. Even before the pandemic, a former US surgeon general deemed loneliness an epidemic. Its effects are more pronounced in younger people, however: according to the national Healthy Minds Study (spearheaded by study co-principal investigator Sarah Ketchen Lipson, a BU School of Public Health assistant professor of health law, policy, and management), two-thirds of college students feel left out and isolated. A Harvard University survey conducted in October 2020 found that feelings of social isolation are on the rise during the pandemic, and that those hardest hit are older teens and young adults—61 percent of respondents felt “serious loneliness.” And social media, where young people live and breathe more than any previous generation, is not helping.

A 2017 study of young people showed that those who used Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram were more likely to feel socially isolated. And after the Wall Street Journal revealed that Instagram’s parent company, Facebook, knew how harmful the photo-heavy app was for teenagers’ mental health, Instagram said on Monday it would delay a planned version of its software for users under age 13.

Landa says one of the reasons why mental health professionals are concerned about loneliness in particular is that this prolonged disconnection can cause distress or exacerbate existing mental health conditions. Studies have shown that it can even increase the risk of early death.

“Our new world of masking makes identifying friendly faces a little more challenging, and with that comes the anxiety of being unable to read each other well,” Landa says. “So, that friend that you might’ve made in class in the past, or even in your dorm, is more challenging to meet. Being connected to a community, whether it’s through friends or common interests, is one of the biggest protective factors for anyone.”

Friendships: quality over quantity

Marissa Carty (CAS’22), who is writing her honors thesis on loneliness in college students, recalls how hard it was to make friends as a freshman. And that was before the pandemic. “I grew up with the same people, and college was the first time I had to enter a situation where I didn’t know anyone,” she says. “I had a misconception about how quickly relationships would form, spent too much time on academics and extracurriculars, and didn’t prioritize my relationships. I was really unhappy, and college was turning out not to be what I expected.” It took time, she says, but she was happier once she balanced her time better. She has also learned that it’s more about the quality of her friendships than the quantity. 

Carty says BU’s competitive culture may also make it more difficult to make new friends. “It’s not that one student’s achievements threaten another, but I think many of us feel this pressure to take on independent projects, volunteer work, and take on all of these résumé boosters. We’re not prioritizing the things that matter, such as creating and maintaining friendships.” 

Jasmin Tagijeva (CAS’25) is still searching for a group of friends, she says, and hopes to find connections in the art and a cappella groups she joined. “The campus was a bit overwhelming when I got here, since my whole high school was only 200 people,” she says. “I miss my friends from high school since I don’t have my usual group I’ve always talked to. I’d say I have more time with myself, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just not something that I’m used to.” 

David Zamojski, director of Residence Life and an assistant dean of students, says his team is aware of this issue of loneliness and adjustment, and that resident assistants were required to attend a four-hour session on the challenges of community building during the pandemic.

“I hope students don’t let masks get in the way of meeting others or engaging in community life,” he says, “whether it’s knocking on a neighbor’s door to say hello or sitting down with someone new over a meal in a dining room. We have spaces in some of the halls where students can play ping-pong, pool, or foosball. And if a student would like some guidance about managing campus life and meeting others, they should reach out to their RA and ask.”

Even seasoned students can feel out of practice when connecting with people. Hessann Farooqi (CAS’22), Student Government vice president, says he feels a little rusty, especially at a party or a social situation. “Even being in an elevator that’s not packed,” he says, “and you have to make small talk.” 

Farooqi recommends that students get out and attend in-person events, even if it’s not related to your major. “Go to the Howard Thurman Center, it’s relaxed, and everyone there is super nice and welcoming. I went to an event organized by the Vietnamese Student Organization last week. I’m not Vietnamese, but I got free food and got to talk to some really interesting people.” 

Landa urges students to make it a priority to spend time with other people, whether sharing a meal, joining a club, or going for a walk. “Remember that there are hundreds of ways to create community,” she says. “Do it in a way that is still safe and aligns with COVID protocols, but engaging socially is incredibly important for overall well-being.”