Erica Saldivar
What Could I Say?

I've been in a constant state lately
of having this unquenchable urge to
SHOUT
this desire to slice myself from between
my eyes
down through my toes
to detach my/self and search through
my bowels in hopes of discovering a
soul.

But I can't, and even if I could
I fear what I might find
A tiny child perhaps --
with plump arms opened wide
screaming to be held
then running away to hide.

What would I say to her?
Should I apologize for the world
That won't cease its destruction
(on) her untainted mind?

Would we embrace each other and cry?
For innocence lost to hands
bloodied red (over)
white
And how could I explain myself?
my sins of lust, of demise

Would she tell me I'm wasting my
time (on)
dreams that are too grand
too far
buried to ever find
Or will she look at me with tears
in her deep brown eyes?

Will she stand tall with my lost
prayers to God?

Will she smile with the love
that left my sight?

Then whisper into my
doubtful ear
with pure confidence

and bid me

'write.'

The Girl in My Café

I saw a girl
while in my café, searching my soul
for something profound to say,
she was pretending to read

But I could see her gaze
was lost upon the outside
street
and she sat there still, cheeks
in hands, her hair pulled
back revealing her somber face

Her watch was off her wrist
and sat beside her,
and she studied it from time
to time, and smoothed her
pants, wrinkled where she sat

Then I noticed her
tennis shoes, but she didn't
seem the sporty kind
and I wondered if maybe
she was running from
time

That sat beside her encased
in a digital face -- and
she adjusted the wristband
but never tried it on

And I thought I saw a tear
in the reflection of her eye,
but she whisked it away, and
the confession was gone

And she picked up her book again
that in her wandering she had put down
And she tried to make sense of what
couldn't be found

Her lips moved, she was reading
quietly aloud, when she caught
my eye watching her within the café crowd

And in the split moment
amongst the room's sound
I could hear her heart whisper
I'm lonely

She looked away embarrassed
And although she couldn't have
read half a page, she set the
book down

I tried to catch her gaze again
But she didn't dare look back,
I only wanted to tell her
I understand

<< Back to Issue 4, 2002